I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
