Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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