Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
