I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
