you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
