i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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