you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
