You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I need water and some morals
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
