Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
