Don't you send me to vm
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
