What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
