apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
