can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
