I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
