I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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