a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
