It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
