batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
