I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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