His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just gift wrapped bread.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
