There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
