Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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