i don't like sucking hair
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
