It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
