She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
