And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
