420 ftw
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
