When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
