not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Houston, we have a blender
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
