You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
