dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
