last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
