you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
