After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
