CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You may now shotgun with the bride
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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