you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
