i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
