I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
