I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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