You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
