I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
