names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
