I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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