I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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