trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
