we have pet lesbian snakes
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I understand Curling. That high.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
