she woke up with a sticky ear
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize