So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
