Jerry, you need to find god
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize