she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
