6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
