My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
