I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
