there's paper in my vomit.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
