I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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