It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
