U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
