Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize