do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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