Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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