U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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