you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
