I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
