You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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