Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize