Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize