I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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