Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
