EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize