Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
