maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
