I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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