Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
