She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
