whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My cat gives me a boner
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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