I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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