My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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