Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
