just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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