I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
