my shit smells like andre
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
