these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
