i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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