Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
