woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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