...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
