If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
