i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
