I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Houston, we have a squirter
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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