your thong is hanging out like whoa
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize