he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
