I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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