It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
