shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
