i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
