it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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