Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
