I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
