woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
