So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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