I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
