Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
