he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
PANTIES FOUND
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