Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
