You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
