Kareoke will never be a sober sport
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Im part way to drunk.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
