Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
