Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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