yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He is an equal opportunity slut.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I wish they made helmets for livers.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
