just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Pants are for mortals
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
