this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
