I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
