There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
