16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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