My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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