So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
