I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
